Grieving Gluten

Sometimes we push away the idea of the grieving gluten, like, “it’s only food,” and we don’t give ourselves permission to process those feelings. But being aware and accepting that this is a normal part of being human and being away and digging more into this learning can help us. Learning the process and tools can help us deal with these emotions on a micro, everyday level and with the big, life changing things that come our way. 

Even though we may think, “No one has died, I don’t have a right to be grieving,” its actually an Identity Transformation that we may be working through.

Jamee explains how transitioning to a new “gluten free” identity relates to the grieving cycle:

What happens in our mind when we go through any change, is a new identity is being formed. And when that new identity is being formed, there is an old identity that is being lost. So that old version of you has in your mind actually died and moved on to a better life or, you know, whatever, however you want to put it, but that old version of you has actually died. And that’s how your mind processes it. 

So as you’re transitioning into this new identity, it is kind of feeling lost. It’s like, “I don’t know what to do with myself,” just as if someone in your life had died. That old version of you passed on. And now it’s time to figure out a new life and a new version and a new identity. So even though it can sound weird, “Okay, so now I’m not eating pizza,” like the pizza that my family is eating, or whatever, or “I’m at a holiday party, I’m not eating cookies,”  I’m grieving, you’re not really grieving cookies, though, that’s kind of what it feels like, when you’re at the holiday party. You’re just grieving an old version, you’re grieving an old identity, you’re grieving, how I would put it for you or I, the woman that you used to be. And now you’re becoming a new woman, or a new version of yourself. And so in that transitional period, you go through the grief cycle.

Here are two key tools to help work through this process:

“Digest your Emotions”

Learning how to allow the discomfort and just be able to digest those emotions that are in your body is the number one skill I recommend everybody develop.

You got to digest the sadness, just like you digest your lunch, our feelings and our emotions, they’re real, they’re real chemicals that are in your body that have to be processed, they have to be digested. And so once you notice, you’re feeling something, you just got to feel it, you just got to let it be there. Without having to cover it up, or reject it or deny it. It’s just, it’s here. 

And it can be as simple as acknowledging it  for example: ‘I’m sad’. Maybe talking to someone about it, and describing it, what it feels like in your body, by naming it.

Practice Self Compassion

Self compassion literally means to support yourself through suffering. It’s not to push the suffering away, it’s not to deny the suffering, it’s not to say that it’s not there; it’s just acknowledging that it’s there. “Of course, I’m feeling isolated.”  

The number one thing that a lot of people feel when they go through a dietary change is isolation. It’s a whole lifestyle change really, and their kids are affected, and their friends are affected–everyone’s affected. You do start to feel lonely and isolated.

A way to work through this emotion is putting your hand on your heart– it actually releases oxytocin from your mind, it stimulates your brain. Some kind of skin contact, like putting your hand on your heart, or holding your hands, or squeezing your arms,  stimulates the oxytocin. I love all the science-y stuff because what it teaches us is just how our bodies work. When you know how your body works, then you feel so normal. 

Putting the Grief Process, Digesting Emotions, and Self Compassion Together

Being aware that this is a process can help you talk yourself through it. Here’s an example of practicing self compassion to digest the emotions:

Sure, of course, I’m sad. Of course, I’m lonely. Of course, I’m feeling this discomfort and the suffering. But I don’t want to hang out here all the time. So the healthiest way to handle it is to allow it to be there, to accept it, to know that it’s not going to be there forever, it’s gonna digest through; eventually you poop, right? It’s the same thing with my emotions, they process through. Sadness will not be there forever.” 

And a lot of people are afraid to just allow the loneliness or the isolation or the sadness or depression, whatever is coming up for you, because they think that will be their new life. That is just not true, you have to remind yourself that you are going through an identity transition. And so anytime something comes up for you that feels like you are suffering, your brain kind of freaks out and says, “Oh, no, is this the new identity?” And you just have to say to your brain, “No, this isn’t gonna last forever. It’s okay.” The way to get out of it is to process it. And to allow it and just support yourself, and love that. So you could end up alone on a deserted island. And you would have the support you needed to handle whatever came up for you. That’s such an amazing skill to have.